very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
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you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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