You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
