I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
