Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
