ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there is glitter all over my balls
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
