Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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