Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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