I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
