yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
