woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
