tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
