DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
