is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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