dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
