a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
