The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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