You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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