I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
