im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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