Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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