I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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