Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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