(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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