dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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