I cannot find my penis.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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