I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
