he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
