she takes plan B like it's going out of style
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
