i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
