I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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