Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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