I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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