the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
that is very illegal...i love you.
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