Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
