I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
