so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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