STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
