I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
