Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am one with the molecules
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
