Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
