How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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