Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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