Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
