he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
