My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
