the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
