idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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