She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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