when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
