Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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