a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
