There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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