When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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