I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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