This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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