3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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