I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
