Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
