im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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