forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
