You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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