Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
