1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize