I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize