he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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