are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize