Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
