i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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