I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
