Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
