thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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