alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
