After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
